Filing for divorce is a major decision and often comes with many emotional, financial, and legal questions. One of the most common concerns people have is whether it makes a difference who initiates the divorce. The answer? Yes — in some situations, filing first can offer certain advantages, but it's not always critical.
If you're considering divorce in Oklahoma, understanding the potential benefits and implications of filing first can help you make more informed choices. At Ball Morse Lowe, our trusted Oklahoma City family attorneys are here to guide you through the entire process.
In any divorce, the person who files the paperwork with the court is called the “Petitioner.” The spouse responding to the petition is known as the “Respondent.” While both parties have equal rights in the proceedings, the petitioner gets the ball rolling by initiating the legal process.
While being the petitioner doesn’t guarantee a better outcome, there are a few possible strategic advantages to consider:
When you file first, you control when the divorce starts. This gives you time to gather financial documents, speak with an attorney, and emotionally prepare before the proceedings begin. You’re not reacting to a surprise — you’re initiating the process on your terms.
In some situations — particularly if spouses live in different counties or states — the person who files first may be able to choose the jurisdiction. Since laws can vary by location, this could influence aspects like property division, custody, or spousal support. In Oklahoma, the divorce must be filed in the county where either spouse resides, but filing first still allows some control over where the case is heard.
The petitioner typically presents their case first in court. This can offer a psychological advantage — you set the tone and provide your narrative before the opposing party responds. In contested divorces, this can be valuable, especially when child custody or property disputes are involved.
Filing first gives you more time to prepare with your Oklahoma City divorce lawyer. This includes organizing finances, planning for temporary support, and protecting sensitive assets.
It’s important to note that while there can be benefits to filing first, they’re often minor in uncontested or amicable divorces. In these cases, both parties typically agree on key issues like:
In situations like these, it may be more important to focus on cooperation and resolution than on who filed the paperwork.
Also, filing first does not automatically mean you’ll “win” the divorce. Oklahoma is an equitable distribution state, which means courts divide marital property fairly — not necessarily equally, regardless of who filed first.
Before rushing to file first, here are some key factors to consider:
Divorce can be emotionally intense. Make sure you’ve consulted a qualified Oklahoma City family attorney who can help you evaluate your readiness to proceed and understand your rights.
Before filing, gather documentation for:
Filing first means you should be well-prepared to submit required financial disclosures.
If there are children involved, the court's primary concern is their best interest. While filing first doesn't automatically give you an upper hand in custody decisions, it may allow you to propose a temporary custody arrangement that sets a precedent. This is something your Oklahoma City divorce lawyer can help navigate carefully.
Oklahoma offers both fault and no-fault grounds for divorce. The most common is incompatibility, which is a no-fault ground. However, if you are filing on fault grounds (such as abandonment, adultery, or cruelty), being the first to file could give you the opportunity to present your side more strategically.
Additionally, Oklahoma has a 90-day waiting period for divorces involving minor children and a 10-day waiting period for divorces without children. Filing first sets this timeline in motion, which may be important if you're looking for a timely resolution.
In some cases, filing first isn’t advantageous, especially if:
Rushing into the process could cause more stress or lead to unfavorable decisions. It’s wise to consult with your attorney first before taking that step.
Whether you’re considering filing first or responding to a petition, the most important decision you can make is hiring the right attorney. At Ball Morse Lowe, we provide compassionate, strategic representation for individuals and families facing divorce.
Our experienced Oklahoma City family attorneys will:
We’re here to help you feel confident and supported throughout the entire divorce process.
If you're considering divorce or have questions about your options, reach out to Ball Morse Lowe today. Our team of seasoned Oklahoma City divorce lawyers is ready to guide you through every step. Call us at 405.701.5355 to schedule a consultation.