Child custody mediation is a crucial step in resolving parenting disputes outside the courtroom. It’s a space where both parents work toward a mutual agreement that serves the child’s best interests. While the process can be emotional, what you say during mediation can significantly impact the outcome.
At Ball Morse Lowe, our experienced child custody lawyers in OKC have seen firsthand how damaging the wrong words or tone can be in a mediation setting. If you're going through custody discussions, it's important to be mindful not just of your goals, but of your conduct and language.
Here are some things you should never say in child custody mediation — and why.
It's natural to feel resentment or anger toward your ex, especially during a difficult separation. But making hostile comments like "They're a terrible parent" or "They don’t deserve to see the kids" can backfire quickly.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Focus on your child's needs, not your frustrations. Stick to factual concerns (e.g., missed pickups, safety issues) if they are relevant and documented.
Saying that you want custody out of revenge will immediately put you at a disadvantage. Custody is not about winning or punishing — it’s about the best interests of the child.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Show that you're focused on stability, routine, and what’s genuinely best for the child, not on settling personal scores.
Statements like “If I don’t get what I want, I’ll take this to court” are highly inappropriate and unproductive during mediation.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Keep a cooperative tone. Express concerns, not ultimatums, and be open to finding a middle ground.
Whether it's exaggerating how much time you’ve spent with your child or downplaying issues like past substance abuse, dishonesty can ruin your chances in mediation.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Be honest and transparent. If there are issues in your past, show how you’ve taken steps to improve or resolve them.
While this may be true in some cases, using your child’s preferences as a bargaining chip can backfire unless the child is of age and the reasons are valid and documented.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Let the mediator know if there are concerns, but frame them from a place of care and neutrality, not accusation or bitterness.
If you bring up child support or financial gains more than parenting time, it may seem like your motives are financially driven rather than child-focused.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Keep discussions about support separate from custody. If finances are discussed, approach them factually and fairly.
Saying “I’ll agree to anything just to get this over with” may feel like a short-term win, but it can lead to long-term consequences.
Why it’s harmful:
What to do instead: Take your time. If you're unsure, ask to pause or consult with your attorney before agreeing to anything.
Child custody mediation is an opportunity, not a battlefield. What you say (and how you say it) can have a powerful impact on your child’s future and your relationship with them. Always approach mediation with honesty, patience, and a child-centered mindset.
At Ball Morse Lowe, our team of trusted family lawyers will guide you through every step of your case. We understand how high the stakes are, and we’re here to help you make the best decisions for your child’s well-being.
If you have questions about custody or mediation in Oklahoma, call us today at 405.701.5355 to schedule a consultation. Let us help you protect what matters most.